Winkler Declares Schmaunt Fat Rationing Emergency

WINKLER, MB

Just hours after neighbouring Morden announced they would be rationing the water supply, the City of Winkler held a press conference to declare a shortage of schmaunt fat.

“Due to the schmaunt fat drought this summer, we’re asking residents to use no more than 6 ice cream pails of white cream gravy per family per day,” said Winkler mayor Michael Hoeppner. “If everyone sticks together and doesn’t just think about themselves and their own schmaunt fat needs, we’ll have enough schmaunt fat for everybody.”

Local farmers, who have been waiting for a heavy downpour of schmaunt fat all summer were upset at the announcement.

“How am I supposed to water the crops without an ample supply of schmaunt fat?”¬†said local farmer Peter Penner. “There’s a reason our corn tastes better than the stuff those Mordeners churn out. The secret is the schmaunt!”

Winklerites will be also asked to stop bathing in schmaunt fat until the crisis is over.

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