Soaring prices at local thrift stores have forced some unscrupulous Mennonites into shoplifting in order to obtain the rubber boots and crocheted doilies needed for bare survival.
“When I saw the prices, I had no other choice,” said Peter, a local thief. “When they charge two dollars for a pair of Lee overalls, they’re basically asking us to steal it.”
Some Mennonites have also taken to rummaging through the donation bin before the items even get into the store.
“Woah, look at this mattress,” said Peter. “A bag full of baby’s clothes! Oh, look, a Justin Bieber jigsaw puzzle. I can’t believe people are donating all this awesome stuff to me.”
Peter claims he’ll be the best dressed man in church on Sunday, thanks to all the awesome new items he obtained from the thrift store.
(photo credit: by get directly down/CC)