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war

Mennonite Life

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

The Outside World

World’s Most War Hungry Nation Suddenly Against War Now that Trump’s Doing It

January 5, 2020 Andrew

DULUTH, MN Local man and staunch Democrat, Mr. Kliewer, has taken what he considers to be a highly principled stance against Trump’s imminent war with Iran. “What on Earth is Trump doing! This war with […]

The Outside World

Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before

January 4, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead. “Finally I can sleep at night!” […]

Mennonite Life

Hipsters Forced to Cut Off Beards After Violating Pennsylvania Mennonite Patent

October 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Thousands of hipsters across the United States will be forced to shave off their beards at the end of this month after a Pennsylvania court ruled these beards a “clear violation” of a […]

The Outside World

Local Gamers Excited for Release of “Call of Duty: Morden Warfare”

September 18, 2018 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Video game players across the Pembina Valley have lined up outside local Walmarts and Giant Tigers this week for the release of ‘Call of Duty: Morden Warfare.’ “Jauma, I can’t wait to try […]

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