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Mennonite Elders Support Trump’s TikTok Ban

August 1, 2020 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Mere seconds after President Trump threatened to ban the teen dancing app TikTok, thousands of Mennonite elders gave an enthusiastic thumbs up to the move. “It’s about time! That app has been luring […]

Food and Drink

Trump Orders Farmer Sausage Plants to Stay Open

April 28, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In an effort to make sure that Mennonites don’t starve, U.S. President Donald Trump issued an order Tuesday afternoon to make sure the nation’s farmer sausage supply is not hindered by the global […]

The Outside World

US Government Accidentally Builds Wall on the Old Mexico Border

August 11, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Residents of California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas woke up this morning to find that construction of a massive wall had already begun on their northern borders. “I was going to visit […]

The Outside World

Uncle Abe Really Pumped to Meet Trump

February 9, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After seeing his name on a BBC News broadcast, local man Abe Sawatzky is really excited to meet the President of the United States on Saturday. “I was in the barn with the […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Mennonite Woman Shunned for Not Making Her Own Crusts
    January 21, 2020
  • Elon Musk Launches Buggy Full of Mennonite Elders Into Space
    February 10, 2018
  • Mennonite Church Hands Out Fidget Spinners to Keep People Alert During Boring Sermon
    June 4, 2017
  • Donald Trump Accuses Obama of Being a ‘Secret Mennonite’
    May 23, 2016
  • Mennonite Man Insists on Wearing Suspenders to Nude Beach
    July 27, 2016
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