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quilts

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Hedge Funds Shorting Stock at Quilt Auction

January 29, 2021 Andrew

BUCKS COUNTY, PA Mennonite quilt stocks have been soaring this week after a group of Mennonites on Reddit decided to bankrupt the billionaire Mennonite church elders who’d been shorting the precious quilt stock. “Honestly, I […]

The Outside World

Generous Jeff Bezos Donates Two Thimbles and a Couple Spools of Thread to Mennonite Quilt Charity

January 19, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Already hailed as the “world’s most generous billionaire” after donating the equivalent to what he earns in five minutes to help with Australian wildfires, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has now donated two thimbles […]

The Outside World

Local Quilting Ladies Accidentally Attend Metallica Concert

September 14, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The ladies from the Winkler EMMB Quilting Group were heading into the city on one of their monthly outings. They had intended to attend a panel discussion at the Millennium Library, when a […]

Mennonite Life

Quilt Cartel Jacks Up Prices at Mennonite Relief Sale

May 27, 2018 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON According to sources, a group of Mennonite ladies from southern Ontario have banded together to control the supply of quilts into the region. The cartel, known as the Ontario Producers of Elaborate […]

The Outside World

Mennonite Biker Gangs Clash with Hells Angels at Sturgis

August 8, 2017 Andrew

STURGIS, SD South Dakota police were on high alert this weekend as a notorious horse-and-buggy Mennonite gang known as ‘The Swartzentrubers’ descended on Sturgis for the annual motorcycle rally. Authorities were concerned that the introduction […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Choking Mennonite Man Saved by the Heinrichs Maneuver
    June 15, 2019
  • Local Woman Spends All Afternoon Stuck in Line Behind Some Guy Buying Lotto Tickets
    August 17, 2020
  • World’s Longest Farmer Sausage Stretches from Blumenort to Steinbach
    September 10, 2017
  • Florida Hires Expert to Help with Election Recount
    November 16, 2018
  • Three Mennonites Hospitalized After Brutal Drive-By Shunning
    December 7, 2016
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