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Mennonite Life

Hipsters Forced to Cut Off Beards After Violating Pennsylvania Mennonite Patent

October 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Thousands of hipsters across the United States will be forced to shave off their beards at the end of this month after a Pennsylvania court ruled these beards a “clear violation” of a […]

Church

Ms. Anna Baptist to Bring the Word this Sunday

August 3, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The congregation at Lancaster Mennonite Church is very pleased to announce that world famous Ms. Anna Baptist will be bringing the Word this Sunday. “I’ve heard so much about this Anna Baptist. It’ll […]

Mennonite Life

City to Replace Surveillance Cameras with Mennonite Ladies

March 18, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In an effort to increase security and reduce costs of surveillance, the city of Lancaster has voted to remove all security cameras and replace them with nosy Mennonite ladies. “Basically they’ll just do […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

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    April 16, 2020
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    September 6, 2020
  • Mennonite Infant Asks to Be Baptized Upon Confession of Her Faith
    December 17, 2016
  • Curry Dish Confuses Attendees at Mennonite Potluck
    July 11, 2016
  • Kenney Commands All MLAs to Vacation in La Crete from Now On
    January 3, 2021
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