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Mennonite Life

Newton’s “World’s Tallest Mennonite” Drafted by Golden State Warriors

March 4, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Hailing from Newton, Kansas, the 17-foot limestone Mennonite Settler statue known across the globe as the “World’s Tallest Mennonite” has finally reached his true calling: playing center for the Golden State Warriors. “After […]

Mennonite Life

Why is the Mennonite Town of Goessel, Kansas Shaped Like a Gun?

February 22, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS For some strange reason the pacifist Mennonite town of Goessel, Kansas has managed to fashion their town in the exact shape of a Colt M1911 pistol. “It’s a mystery to me,” said local […]

Mennonite Life

Joel Wiens Stadium Replaces Reimer Stadium (Yes, this is real and, no, it’s not in Manitoba)

February 15, 2021 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Residents of southern Manitoba were mortified to discover that the Mennonites of Kansas had one-upped them in naming stuff after Nikkels, Wienses and Reimers. “Waut de schissjat is going on down there at […]

Mennonite Life

Ten Dollar Donation in 1987 Leads to Lifetime of Junk Mail from Local Charity

December 14, 2020 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS A trivial donation in the late 80s has led to a lifetime of junk mail for a Goessel, Kansas couple. “Ugh, Henry, here it is again,” said Mrs. Friesen, sorting through her junk […]

Mennonite Life

People Keep Assuming Kansas Friesens are Secretly Canadian

February 10, 2020 Andrew

MEADE, KS The Friesens of Kansas have an announcement to make: “We’re not Canadians!” “Any time I go anywhere people assume I’m from Manitoba,” said Mr. Friesen. “Gosh, you know not all the Friesens left […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • More than a Dozen Friesens Found Frozen in Friedensruh
    February 27, 2018
  • Massive Amounts of Halva Left Over Yet Again This Year
    December 25, 2016
  • Mennonite Woman Buys Back Her Own Clothes at the MCC Store
    March 1, 2018
  • Moses Walks Back the Ten Commandments
    November 12, 2020
  • Winkler Hires Taunte Nettie as City’s First Female Cop
    July 26, 2017
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