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Mennonite Life

Murder Hornets Not Nearly So Scary When You Call them ‘Mord wille Bie’

May 11, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC In an effort to get everyone to chill a little, local officials have started referring to the notorious murder hornets by their Plautdietsch name, which is seen to be more hilarious than scary. […]

Mennonite Life

Dolphins Return to Southern Manitoba for First Time in Centuries

April 30, 2020 Andrew

MORRIS, MB A pod of playful dolphins was spotted in the Red River near Morris this week, the first time they’ve visited the area since Mennonite settlers arrived in the 1870s. “They’re cropping up everywhere,” […]

The Outside World

Idiot Spring Breakers Force Sharks to Take Matters Into Their Own Hands

March 20, 2020 Andrew

MIAMI, FL After tens of thousands of irresponsible “dude bros” disregarded health officials and decided that the pandemic wasn’t going to stop them from partying and spreading the disease to their elderly relatives, local sharks […]

The Outside World

Conservatives Run Actual Donkey in Mennonite Town, Still Confident of Victory

October 17, 2019 Andrew

KLEINESCHANTZENFELD, SK So confident in the partisan loyalty of Mennonite voters, the Conservative Party of Canada ran a literal donkey in the small Mennonite town of Kleineschantzenfeld and still expect to win 87% of the […]

The Outside World

Mennonite Man Blames the Clintons for the ‘Suspicious Death’ of His Prized Sheep Molly

August 13, 2019 Andrew

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA A Mennonite man who wishes to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons) is blaming the Clintons for the mysterious death of his prized sheep and long-time companion Molly. “I don’t know what to say, […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Mysterious Steinbach Mineral Claims Finally Revealed
    February 28, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Accidentally Speaks Plautdietsch Outside the Barn
    June 3, 2019
  • “What is this – Calgary?” Winnipeg Man Can’t Figure Out Warm Holiday Temperatures
    December 28, 2019
  • World’s Largest Snake Den Discovered in Manitoba Legislature
    May 8, 2018
  • Menno Simons Votes from the Grave in US Election
    November 26, 2020
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