Peter Barkman, 41, left the church decades ago and found himself at a Barkman gathering this weekend where he was placed at the heathen table, which was right next to the other table and covered in a cloth.
“It all looked like one table to me. I had no idea my elbow was so close to the edge,” explained Barkman. “And it was all fine and good until I had one too many bowls of plumi moos and accidentally leaned over onto the non-shunned table. There was quite the uproar after that.”
Grandpa Barkman immediately stood up and cast the heathen out of the room for daring to put his elbow on the true church member’s table.
“Rut mit die!” exlaimed Grandpa Barkman. “How dare you no participate in our facade of pretending that these two tables butted up against each other constitute some sort of spiritual significance!”
After this travesty, the Barkmans are planning to make it much clearer which table is which.
“We’re going to use a thick blue line, like in hockey,” said Grandpa Barkman. “Plus we’re going to send a toddler down below to check on the feet. I know some footsie takes place sometimes between second-cousins.”
In other news, cousin Samantha is also being booted out of the church for passing Peter the pickles.
(photo credit: Ben Ramsey/CC)