Well, the secret is out! William and Kate’s newborn baby boy, and fifth in line to the British crown, has been named “Prince Corny” after William’s distant cousin Corny Bueckert of Rosengart. Weighing in at 8lbs 7oz, adorable little Prince Corny is the heaviest royal newborn so far and the first to be named after a Mennonite from Yantsied.
“We’re really excited to welcome a new child into the family,” said William. “So far he’s quite the handful. He cries and cries until you feed him some sunflower seeds. Man, that kid can knack zoat!”
Royal watchers lined up around the block for a glimpse of Prince Corny and many of them sent well-wishes and gave gifts of wild blueberry vereniki.
“I thank everyone for their kind words, and although it may be tempting, I would ask that the public refer to little Corny by his full proper name of Knels,” said William. “Thanks! Knels and all his frintschoft appreciate it.”
In the unlikely event of four abdications of the thrown, Prince Corny will become King Corny, a title he’ll have to rustle from the hands of Steinbach radio personality and Elvis tribute artist Corny Rempel.