Rogers Crew Getting Really Fat From All This Mennonite Food

STEINBACH, MB

After hitting up Winkler last weekend and Steinbach this weekend, the Rogers Sportsnet crew has gained an average of twenty-three pounds in just two weeks.

“When we chose to do Hometown Hockey in Mennonite country two weeks in a row, we really underestimated the impact it would have on our waistlines,” said Ron MacLean, who has picked up some Plautdietsch during his time in southern Manitoba. “Oba, after this I’m going back to a strict diet of steamed carrots and broccoli for about a month!”

The entire Rogers crew has been gorging on kielke and vereniki and platz and butter tarts and formavorscht for almost ten straight days now and it’s making them rather sluggish.

“I’ve even taken up going for a nice meddachschlop each afternoon,” said MacLean. “After consuming all this starch and grilled meat, all I think about at 1 in the afternoon is going for a nice ¬†long mid-afternoon nap.”

The crew had planned a trip to Altona next week, but doctors warned them about prolonged exposure to Mennonite food.

“They need to pace themselves,” said Dr. Reimer. “If they take some time to recuperate I think they’ll be ready to venture into Mennonite country once again sometime in the year 2030.”

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