Pennsylvania Mennonite Woman Will Absolutely Destroy You on the Volleyball Court


More than fifty million dollars has been spent in the last decade alone trying to figure out the origin of the Pennsylvania Mennonite obsession with the sport of volleyball. So far, though, no satisfactory answer has been uncovered.

“What started as an innocent alternative to Dutch Blitz when the card tables were busy, has become an absolute obsession,” said Mrs. Stoltzfus. “It’s bump, set, spike 24/7 around here … well, at least in between Bible study and chores.”

Pennsylvania Mennonites have taken the rather benign sport and turned it into something fierce.

“Don’t let that ankle-length dress fool you,” said Mrs. Stoltzfus. “You better be prepared or Rebecca Schwartzentruber will spike one in your face!”

Last weekend alone the after church volley matches resulted in fifteen bloody noses and more than two dozen wrist injuries.

“You better learn to dig and block or you’ll be sitting around on the lawn chairs with the grandparents mighty quick,” said Mrs. Stoltzfus. “Around here volleyball is like a religion to us … well, umm, let me rephrase that …”

Although no explanation has been found for this phenomenon, it seems that Mennonites tend to play in church gymnasiums or grassy fields and leave beach volleyball to the heathens for obvious reasons.

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