After collapsing under the weight of their own repugnancy, the National Rifle Association announced today that they have filed for chapter 11 moral bankruptcy.
“We’re morally bankrupt. To be honest. It’s been a long time coming,” said NRA spokesperson Samantha Dogooder. “Our moral capital’s been on the decline for decades and we just hit rock bottom. Well, it’s for the best I suppose.”
As part of the new deal, the NRA will have to pay off all their debts to society and completely restructure the entire organization.
“From now on we’re going to work for peace and non-violence until our debt is paid,” said Dogooder. “We’re even bringing in some Mennonites to straighten things out … though I’ve heard they’ve mostly all abandoned their pacifism years ago, so maybe we’ll go for the Amish. Quakers maybe? Somebody help.”
The NRA will now stand for the National Righteousness Association, although many are worried with the new Anabaptist leadership it might soon become the National Self-Righteousness Association if they’re not careful.
(photo credit: Bjoertvedt/CC)