The United States National Guard was called in this week to deal with the violent and erratic behaviour of a lone protestor, armed with a whip, who seemed to have a beef with the wealthy elite for some reason.
“I don’t know what this guy’s problem is,” said President Trump. “Quite frankly, I don’t care. It doesn’t really matter what his message is, nor am I going to take the time to listen. You simply can’t go around in a temple with a whip like that. People might get hurt.”
In an effort to make sure that no “important people” got hurt, the President deployed the full force of the United States military to “get things under control” there at the temple.
“I’m a law and order kind of guy,” said Trump. “People like him need to find more productive ways to express their anger. Maybe start a blog or something.”
Trump explained that it wasn’t always easy to know what to do in situations like this, but when push comes to shove, it’s always best to err on the side of “the people who pay the bills around here.”
Trump’s actions at the temple were immediately praised by many of the nation’s top church leaders who said, without any sense of irony, that Mr. Trump was the greatest defender of Christianity this country has ever known.
(painting by: Valentin de Boulogne)