NORTH NEWTON, KS
After years of pestering from his wife Frida, local man Ben Wiebe of North Newton finally broke down and shaved his face this afternoon. The lawn, however, was left at a record height of two feet three inches.
“I finally broke down and shaved,” said Wiebe. “My wife was starting to withhold intimacy with me and my boss was leaving not-so-subtle hints that we about ready to do the same.”
Wiebe claims he only has time once a week to shave and/or mow the lawn, so his wife and/or boss would have to take their pick.
“My boss didn’t really seem to care about my lawn, and my wife was split 50/50 on it,” said Wiebe. “So it was obvious that shaving was a priority.”
Wiebe’s lawn, which has been left unmowed for almost a month, has become a favourite spot for crows, rabbits, robins, and Canada geese.
“Yeah, and you should see what was all crawling around in my unintentional beard,” said Wiebe. “Let me tell you, there were quite the critters in there.”
In other news, Wiebe plans to shower sometime this September.