Thousands of die hard Stanley Hauerwas fans packed BC Place Stadium this week to hear the famed theologian give an hour long public lecture. The crowd was so excited to see the Resident Aliens-author that at least one Mennonite college student was taken away on a stretcher after fainting with excitement.
“OMG! This it the best day of my life! I’ve been reading all about Hauerwas since my second year at Bible college,” exclaimed 21-year-old Samantha of Abbotsford. “I’ve got all his books! I even have his poster on my dorm room wall!”
Guards had to be called in to protect Dr. Hauerwas, after three students rushed the stage.
“I was around in the ’60s, so I remember Beatlemania, but let me tell you it was nothing to this level,” said one observer. “I mean, these Mennonite college students are absolutely head-over-heels for this man.”
The crowd was heard yelling “Stanley! Stanley! Stanley” for three hours after the show ended. It got so bad the professor had to come back on stage for an encore lecture just to satiate the audience.
“He gave us all the greatest hits in the encore!” exclaimed Samantha. “‘Christian Virtue’, ‘Narrative theology’…OMG! He even did a bit on Reinhold Niebuhr!”
After the lecture, Hauerwas had to be whisked away to his hotel room while Mennonite college students threw themselves at his car.