ST. JACOBS, ON
The stars of the crokinole world have gathered in the hub city of St. Jacobs, Ontario this week for the commencement of the 2020 Major League Knipsbrat season. The season has been given permission to resume after players assured league officials they wouldn’t cough on anyone and would adhere to the ‘one butt cheek rule’ like always.
“I can’t believe all the stars who are right here in my hometown! Look, there’s ‘Three Finger’ Funk right over there!” said excited crokinole fan Petey Eby. “Oh my and would you look at that. It’s ‘Joltin Joe’ Janzen warming up!”
While St. Jacobs residents may have been star struck, for the players it’s business as usual.
“It’s a shorter season, but we’re going to make up for it with some world class flicking,” said ‘Shoeless Abe’ Wiebe. “Once training camp is over, the fans are in for a real flicking good time!”
Due to the shortened season, players agreed to pro-rated contracts, which left stars like ‘Cool Papa’ Lehman having to make do with just six butter tarts this year, rather than his usual salary of ten.
“I also managed to negotiate ten pounds of delicious Stone Crock macaroni salad,” said Lehman. “A crokinole player’s gotta eat!”
League ratings are expected to be through the roof this year, especially since it seems the only other thing on is baseball.
(photo credit: Alessio Sbarbaro/Wikipedia/CC)