Committed libertarian Rand Martens, 31, was walking home from his Dungeons and Dragons game this week when he found himself walking smack dab in the middle of a public sidewalk.
“Oh, look at me. Shoot!” yelled Martens, quickly leaping back onto a nearby lawn. “This sidewalk’s paid for with public funds, right? Looks like I almost became a socialist there for a moment.”
Martens kept on walking, sporting his “Taxation is Theft” T-Shirt, but the whole time he was racked with guilt for the brief moment that he flirted with socialism.
“I think you’re misunderstanding libertarianism if you think we oppose sidewalks,” said Martens, trying to justify his behaviour. “Our guiding principle is that tax money should be spent on stuff I like and use, but not on stuff you like and use.”
Martens sauntered back home right through all his neighbour’s lawns, most of whom are planning to charge a toll to enter their private property.