Steinbach City Council Candidate Reveals Shocking DNA Test Results

STEINBACH, MB

Local city council candidate Mr. Harder decided to take a DNA test this week after being called a “Lutheran” by one of his political rivals. The rival, Mr. Dyck, said he would donate two garbage bags full of old denim to the local MCC store, if Mr. Harder¬†took a DNA test.

“Oba, nay! I am 100% Mennonite,” said Mr. Harder, handing the reporter a tiny little plastic cup he had peed into earlier in the day. “Here, check out my DNA results.”

The results clearly show that Mr. Harder was 30% schmaunt fat, 21% Welch’s grape juice, 18% sausage drippings, 12% Roger’s Golden Syrup, 7% cheese curds, 7% pickle juice, and 5% Papsi.

“If that’s not Mennonite I don’t know what is,” said Mr. Harder. “I think Mr. Dick should take a test himself and we’ll see just how Mennonite he is!”

Mr. Dick refused to take the test, claiming that he was pretty confident he would win the election anyway.

“And, besides,” he said. “Since when does being Mennonite have anything to do with DNA?”

(photo credit: Juhan Sonin/CC)

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