College juniors, Matt Lewis and Bethany Lehman, are among thousands of American young people to sign pledges committing themselves to “remain pure until marriage.” Luckily for the newly dating couple, however, they were able to find a number of convenient loopholes in the pledge.
“I won’t get into specifics,” said Matt, “as I don’t want to be a stumbling block to other couples, but let’s just say we discovered a few things that will keep us satisfied until we get married sometime after we graduate in 2019…or at least until I find a girl who’s a little more liberal when it comes to this sort of thing.”
Matt and Bethany are concerned about preserving themselves for marriage, just so long as it doesn’t impede on their surging and insatiable appetite for each other.
“When I get married, I want to be able to say to my husband, who may or may not be Matt, that I did everything in my power to uphold the purity pledge I made under great duress during my first year of college,” explained Bethany. “Luckily there are at least fifteen positions in the Kama Sutra that are not specifically mentioned in the pledge.”
Dr. Henry Sellinger, founder of the Purity League of America, regrets the purity pledge error, and suggests that couples like them may be missing the point.
“We never should have given them a list in the first place,” he says. “For one thing, I think it gave some people ideas…and the rest of them figured the list was exhaustive and scoured the Internet for moves we might have missed.”
Bethany and Matt also noted that simply moving your WWJD bracelet to the other wrist opened up a whole world of exciting possibilities.