Brian Pallister to Manitobans: “You Can’t Fire Me; I Quit!”

WINNIPEG, MB

After sinking to a historic low in the approval ratings, Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister tossed over his desk this morning in a huff and could be heard yelling “you can’t fire me; I quit!” and storming out of the Legislative building.

“Geez, what’s gotten in to him?” said a Legislative building custodian, who witnessed the tantrum. “It’s like he’s quitting a job at 7/11 or something.”

Pallister was quickly accosted by fellow MLAs in the hallway who informed him that he couldn’t quit now, but, unfortunately, he had to stick around until 2023.

“I mean that’s not a rule,” said MLA Calvin Doerksen. “But I mean, look around you, we’ve got no one suitable to replace you.”

Pallister sighed and said he’d stick around for a few more months, but after that he’s outta here.

“Maybe I’ll take a job with¬†Rolling Stone,” said Pallister. “They seem to appreciate my crocodile tears around there.”

According to sources, Rolling Stone magazine has already rejected his services and so Pallister will be high-tailing it to Costa Rica just as soon as his vaccine passport finally comes in the mail.

(photo credit: Andrew Scheer/CC)

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