WASHINGTON, DC
Just moments after controversial White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon was removed from his position by President Trump, thousands of alt-right demonstrators took to the streets demanding that a large statue of their fallen hero be erected in a prominent spot in the nation’s capital.
“This man has done so much for our county in the last seven months that he needs to be honoured in this way,” said one masked demonstrator who did not wish to be identified. “I mean, in my opinion we should have statues of everyone Trump has fired: Sean Spicer, James Comey, Sally Yates, and that woman from the third season of The Apprentice.”
The group was also demanding that all the schools currently named after John F. Kennedy be renamed in honour of the great Steve Bannon.
“I can’t really tell you what he accomplished or even what his job was. It really doesn’t matter,” said the protestor, “all I know is that it’s about darn time we honour living white men, not just the dead ones.”
This desire to remain current and relevant was echoed by many of the protestors who emerged in great numbers from their parent’s basements to attend the rally. The cries for a Steve Bannon monument were soon accompanied by a lengthy list of equally-legitimate statue-candidates.
“Blogger imarealman83 definitely should get one!”
“I think my bigoted uncle Bob should have a statue!”
“Breitbart! What about Breitbart? They’re telling us all the stuff the mainstream statues leave out!”
It is not known how Washington will handle this surge in requests for statues of people who really don’t deserve them, but bureaucrats are already working on a strategy.
“I don’t think we can handle them all,” said Steve Bannon’s replacement. “I think we might just go about it on a first-come-first-serve basis. Uncle Bob now sits at 10th on the list, so we should get to him later in the year.”
The real Steve Bannon says he’s honoured by the thought but said he would prefer to just stand naked outside the White House for the next fifty years instead.
(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)
