Oba, nay! So some of the Englishers yet have been going to the Bard’s Hell Park over there for the Vanapag Folks Festival. I know that no good Mannanites were there, especially since they need to be at work on Monday morning! So, here I will tell you how you can tell if your co-worker was at the Folks Festival instead of church this weekend. Report them to the boss/elder immediately if you see any of these signs yet:
- They smell worse than the back of Cousin Pieta’s manure spreader – After four days at Folks Festival, Englishers tend to smell reeeeelly bad, yet. Every good Mannanite takes a bath once a week on Saturday evening, but these weltlich people were probably at the Green Ash stage all weekend and had no time for proper grooming, not even a foot-washing ceremony! Some will not even be wearing their duaks properly!
- They’re humming sackular and sinful songs all day – Every year around this time I hear unfamiliar tunes that aren’t even in the hymn book! My English friend Jordan says it’s “Death Cabs for Cuties.” Doesn’t sound very Mannanite to me!
- They keep drumming and drumming with the pencil on the desk – After four days of bongo drumming they can not help themselves. They’re just drumming and drumming like a Pentecostal church yet!
- They keep going to the vending machine for Cheetos – I always tell to my boss Heinrich to get the machine all ready with the Cheetos after the Folks Festival because he can make a lot of money that day. I’m not sure why this is….
- They tell you they’re joining a GC church – After the Folks Fest we always lose some good EMBBCers to the GCs. Luckily, they all come crawling back around the time we start handing out the tutes.
- They’ve got Jason Mraz written on their chests – And even one showed to me a chest with “John Sebastian” written on it, too! These names are not even in the Kornelsen book! Mraz??? What kind of a name is that? I think whoever wrote it was probably drunk!
- They’ve got a better farmer’s tan than my Oncle Johan – They usually leave work on Wednesday paler than Mrs. Wiebe in mid-February and come back darker than Oncle Johan at the end of harvest season!
(photo credit: Scott Woods-Fehr/CC)