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Month: July 2021

The Outside World

Mennonite Cover Band Plays Classic Stones Tune ‘I Know It’s Only Rock and Roll (But I Don’t Like It)’

July 31, 2021 Andrew

WICHITA, KS The Funk brothers of Wichita have been railing against rock and roll ever since that fateful youth group record burning party in the summer of 1972. “Which is why we decided to start […]

Church

Church Group Hires Private Investigator to Follow Around the Klassens

July 30, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB New documents suggest that a local church group hired a Private Investigator last month to dig up dirt on every Klassen in the Province of Manitoba. “It’s always good to keep tabs on […]

The Outside World

International Olympic Committee Requires All Athletes to Wear One of those Borat Mankinis

July 29, 2021 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN The lechers in charge of the International Olympic Committee are requiring all athletes, regardless of gender or sport, to wear one of those Borat mankinis or else face massive fines. “You wear what […]

Food and Drink

Winkler Declares Schmaunt Fat Rationing Emergency

July 28, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Just hours after neighbouring Morden announced they would be rationing the water supply, the City of Winkler held a press conference to declare a shortage of schmaunt fat. “Due to the schmaunt fat […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonites Demand their Constitutional Rights Under the ‘Freedom of Disinformation Act’

July 27, 2021 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Pastor Troyer of Lancaster County is petitioning the United States government for permission to spread as much BS about the pandemic as he pleases under the ‘Freedom of Disinformation Act’. “What good is […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”
    December 9, 2018
  • Bible Camp Shuts Down After No One Memorizes Enough Verses to Attend
    July 2, 2019
  • Mennonite Writer Starts Lucrative New Business Proofreading Protest Signs
    March 4, 2022
  • Extended Family Gathering Relegated to Well Outside the Christmas Week
    January 3, 2020
  • Tom Brady Blames Loss on Regulation Size Footballs
    February 5, 2018
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