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Month: March 2021

Mennonite Life

Thousands of Mennonites are All Sharing the Same Netflix Password

March 31, 2021 Andrew

INMAN, KS A recent investigation had concluded that every single Penner, Friesen, and Funk in the state of Kansas are all sharing the same Netflix account. “It’s believed to have started with Abe Penner of […]

Quizzes

Quiz Time! Is it a Bible Verse or Just a Random Inspirational Quote from a Meme?

March 30, 2021 Andrew

In these troubled times, it seems the only thing that can keep us going is spending all day scrolling past the word “Blessed!” in big bold letters above a picture of a sunset or country […]

Food and Drink

Mennonite Woman Spends All Day Making Coleslaw No One Will Eat

March 29, 2021 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Eleanor Funk, 71, has been working tirelessly all day chopping cabbage and mixing it with carrots, lemon juice, mayonnaise, and vinegar in preparation for tomorrow’s delightful Funk Easter gathering in which not a […]

The Outside World

Aylmer Pastor Awarded Nation’s Highest Honour: A Stained Dirty Star on Canada’s Walk of Fame

March 28, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A controversial Aylmer-area “pastor” is set to receive Canada’s highest honour: a stained dirty star caked with gum somewhere on a urine-drenched Toronto sidewalk. “After seeing all the good he’s been doing for […]

The Outside World

Efforts Intensify to Dislodge Fred Penner from Log

March 27, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Efforts to dislodge beloved children’s entertainer Fred Penner from a log in an undisclosed location intensified on Saturday afternoon. “For years he’s gone in and out of that log without issue, but somehow […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Surly Mennonite Man Plans to Ruin Christmas for All the Children at Church Tonight
    December 24, 2016
  • Canadians Gather to Celebrate 149 Years of Not Being America
    July 1, 2016
  • West Edmonton Mall Opens Up Mennonite Theme Room
    June 19, 2017
  • Uncle Henry Caught Shooting from the Front Line
    November 24, 2019
  • Dating Couple Finds Convenient Loophole in Purity Pledge
    March 27, 2018
March 2021
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