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Month: January 2021

The Outside World

Right Winger Aghast at Private Company Exercising their Free Market Right to Ban Trump

January 9, 2021 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Libertarian types around the globe were totally aghast at the “disgusting display of free enterprise” after private corporation Twitter decided to exercise their free market right by deciding who can and who […]

Mennonite Life

“I Thought it Said ‘Make Altona Great Again'” says MP

January 9, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After literally minutes of controversy, Portage-Lisgar MP Candice Bergen is finally speaking out about the undated photo of her wearing a camo MAGA hat. “I thought it said ‘Make Altona Great Again,’” Bergen […]

Mennonite Life

Senator Gets Lost on the Way to Landmark, Manitoba

January 8, 2021 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB On his way to Landmark, Manitoba during the holidays, Canadian Senator Don Plett got totally disoriented and somehow wound up in a beautiful Mexican resort instead. “Diewel, these roads are confusing,” said Plett. […]

The Outside World

U.S. Capitol to Be Replaced with One Massive Banana Republic

January 7, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Just hours after an embarrassing security breach at the United States Capitol building, government officials announced the commencement of major renovations to turn the place into a “totally epic” Banana Republic outlet store. […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite MLAs Concerned “Cabinet Shuffle” Might Be Some Kind of Dance

January 6, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There was great concern among the Mennonite members of caucus after Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister announced a “cabinet shuffle” this afternoon. “We’re Mennonites. I’m not so sure we should be doing this,” said […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Off-Key Mennonite Singers Top ‘Best Albums of the Decade’ List
    January 1, 2020
  • ‘Holy Kiss’ in Mennonite Church Lobby Becomes Total Make-out Session
    January 24, 2019
  • Blue Bombers Proudly Hoist ‘Sunday School Attendance’ Trophy
    November 18, 2018
  • Mennonite Church Approves ‘Scandalous’ New Hemline
    November 15, 2018
  • Every Single Street in Steinbach to Go Under Construction Simultaneously…and Reverted to Gravel
    June 22, 2016
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