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Month: January 2020

The Outside World

Angry Mob Demands that Trudeau Subsist Entirely on Timbits

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Typical Canada. Donuts made headlines across the nation today. “We interrupt our coverage of various real tragedies and important situations around the globe to bring you this important news about donuts!” Thousands of […]

Food and Drink

Mennonite Woman Shunned for Not Making Her Own Crusts

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mrs. Eby is facing intense scrutiny this week after it was revealed she hasn’t made her own crust since 1987. “Ach, why bother making a crust from scratch when you can buy a […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman Denies Rumour that She and Corny are “More than Just Cousins”

January 20, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB After Mary Toews and her cousin Corny were seen spending an awful lot of time together at the church faspa on Sunday, rumours are starting to spread that they are “more than just […]

The Outside World

Generous Jeff Bezos Donates Two Thimbles and a Couple Spools of Thread to Mennonite Quilt Charity

January 19, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Already hailed as the “world’s most generous billionaire” after donating the equivalent to what he earns in five minutes to help with Australian wildfires, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has now donated two thimbles […]

The Outside World

Trudeau Grows Authentic Menno Beard

January 18, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB At meetings in Winnipeg this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed his amazing new Menno beard. “I can’t figure it out. When we last saw him, it was barely stubble, and now he’s […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Mennonite Woman Overdoses on Christmas Oranges
    December 26, 2016
  • New ‘Plandemic’ Doc is the Comedy Smash Hit of the Season
    May 8, 2020
  • Chihuahua Faspa Cancelled After Oma Runs Out of Queso Menonita
    August 29, 2020
  • Satire Sites to Post Real News Today
    April 1, 2017
  • Tourists Shocked by Absence of Bonnets in Southern Manitoba
    September 6, 2016
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