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Month: December 2019

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman to Smother Relatives with Wet Kisses at this Afternoon’s Gathering

December 26, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Penner, 71, plans to slobber all over each and every member of the Penner family at the gathering in the basement of the MB church in Chilliwack this afternoon. “Watch out, Penners, […]

Quizzes

It is Real News or the Daily Bonnet? 2019 Edition!

December 25, 2019 Andrew

It’s time for the annual Daily Bonnet Christmas quiz. We’ll give you fifteen headlines and you identify which ones were real (from Steinbachonline, the Carillon, Mennonite World Review, CBC, The New Yorker, or anything yet) […]

Food and Drink

Mennonite Children Leave Plate of Vereniki and Schmaunt Fat for Santa

December 24, 2019 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Broesky children of Reinland were sick and tired of the mediocre gifts that Santa brought when they left out milk and cookies, and so decided to change things up a little this […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman to Play Evie’s ‘Come On, Ring Those Bells’ All Day Today

December 23, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Bergmann of Blumenort plans to play Evie’s ‘Come On, Ring Those Bells’ non-stop for the next 48 to 76 hours. “I’ve still got the LP I bought when I was in high […]

Church

Mennonite Woman Sings the Wrong Version of ‘Away in a Manger’

December 22, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A fight broke out during an Epp gathering in the church basement this week after Grandma Epp insisted on singing the wrong version of ‘Away in a Manger.’ “Diewel, that woman. She just […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’
    October 11, 2018
  • Mennonites Caught Smuggling Dirty Rubber Boots Across the Border
    June 19, 2018
  • Mennonite Woman Sings the Wrong Version of ‘Away in a Manger’
    December 22, 2019
  • Attempt at Singing ‘Silent Night’ in German Fizzles Out After First Line
    December 20, 2019
  • Mormon Missionaries Find Mennonite Town ‘Totally Confusing’
    June 20, 2017
December 2019
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