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Month: November 2019

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman Arrested for Stealing Her Neighbour’s Ham

November 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local woman, Sush Janzen, has been arrested by Steinbach RCMP this week for allegedly stealing her neighbour’s schinkjefleesch and threatening a police officer with her cane yet. “He says that I salted him,” […]

The Outside World

Entire Province of Manitoba to Call in Sick Tomorrow

November 24, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After the Winnipeg Blue Bombers ended a 29 year drought and won the 2019 Grey Cup on Sunday, not a single person in the entire province of Manitoba plans to show up to […]

Mennonite Life

Uncle Henry Caught Shooting from the Front Line

November 24, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Uncle Henry has been arrested and is being held in the local Mennonite church basement this week after being caught shooting from the top of five-point zone. “I’ve always wondered how he got […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Man Vows Never to Wear Suspenders Until the Bombers Win a Grey Cup

November 23, 2019 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB Oncle Johan Fast has vowed “naver aver” to wear suspenders again until the Winnipeg Blue Bombers bring home the Grey Cup. Many are supportive of his plan, but others are a little troubled […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman Seeks Treatment for Her Hallmark Christmas Movie Addiction

November 22, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Martens of Saskatoon has been checked in a rehab facility this week after it was discovered that she has been doing nothing but eating popcorn and watching terribly-acted predictable Christmas movies on […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Manitoba Pastor to Run His Church from Sunny Costa Rica
    January 29, 2017
  • Dozens Injured in Annual Pilgrimage to Mennonite Landing Spot
    July 9, 2018
  • Local Church to Host Weekly ‘Superspreader Potluck’
    October 16, 2020
  • Lutheran Man Joins Mennonite Church After Discovering Roll Kuchen
    July 6, 2019
  • Lit Match Insufficient After Dad’s Been in There
    January 17, 2018
November 2019
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