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Month: August 2019

Food and Drink

Mennonite Football Player Suspended Two Games after Testing Positive for Papsi and Ravel

August 26, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a wee bit too much Papsi and Ravel was found in his system, Andreas Heinrichs has been suspended from playing the next two games of the EMBC church touch football league. “Oba, […]

The Outside World

NFL to Adopt New “Thriftier” 80-Yard Field for Upcoming Season

August 25, 2019 Andrew

OAKLAND, CA Spurred on by all the positive feedback from the game in Winnipeg last week, the National Football League formally announced today that they would be using a much shorter and “thriftier” field for […]

The Outside World

World Health Organization Bans Reading Internet Comments

August 24, 2019 Andrew

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND A new study from the World Health Organization has revealed a new number one killer around the world: reading online comments. In 2018 alone, comment-reading was known to have caused more than two […]

The Outside World

Trump Offers to Buy Newfoundland from Canada

August 23, 2019 Andrew

ST. JOHN’S, NFLD Attracted by all the natural resources and fiddle music, US President Donald Trump is in serious negotiations today with the Canadian government to purchase the island of Newfoundland lock, stock, and barrel. […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman “Wins the Lottery” After Mrs. Brubacher’s Clothes Blow into Her Yard

August 22, 2019 Andrew

HEIDELBERG, ON Mrs. Eby is feeling like she won the lottery this week after a particularly windy day blew all of Mrs. Brubacher’s clothes right into her yard. “This should keep the Ebys supplied all […]

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August 2019
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