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Month: February 2019

Church

Mennonite Pastor Takes Up Vegas Residency

February 28, 2019 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV Popular Mennonite minister Johan Schantz, 72, of Elmira, Ontario has been offered a two-year residency at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. The new show will feature sermons, communion, and a nightly […]

The Outside World

Trudeau Really Hoping ‘Everyone Is Way Too High to Notice Scandal’

February 28, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Knowing he was soon going to face the biggest scandal of his political career, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made sure Canadians “had a few months to get nice and toasted” before the […]

The Outside World

Trump Declares World Peace After Discovering Pho

February 27, 2019 Andrew

HANOI, VIETNAM Donald Trump and Kim Jun-un have declared “world peace” after devouring a delicious bowl of Vietnamese pho in Hanoi this afternoon. “Dang, I’ve never tasted anything so delicious in my life,” said Trump, […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Woman Throws Caution to the Wind, Puts Fine China in Dishwasher

February 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Brandt, 84, of Altona was sick and tired of having to hand wash the fine bone china she got on her wedding day in 1954 and has decided, after all these years, […]

Church

Mennonite Sect Heads to Toronto to Await the Rapture

February 25, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Under the leadership of controversial minister and self-proclaimed prophet Claas Epp, a fringe Mennonite sect from Southern Ontario has walked all the way from Leamington to Toronto to await the rapture. “My cousin […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Epic Fail! MBer and GCer Make Feeble Attempt at Singing the Doxology Together
    September 7, 2020
  • Frugal Manitobans Celebrate as Christmas Gatherings Banned this Year
    November 11, 2020
  • Mrs. Reimer Still Refers to Mrs. Ens as a “Russlander”
    April 5, 2019
  • Shenandoah Valley Erupts in Chaos After Sarcastic Comment is Posted Without a Smiley Face
    September 10, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Accidentally Consumes a Vegetable
    June 12, 2017
February 2019
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