Wonder Oil to be Added to Town Drinking Water

BLUMSTEIN, MB

Decades after fluoride was controversially added to the drinking water of many English communities, the small town of Blumstein, Manitoba has become the first in the region to pump Wonder Oil into the town’s water supply.

“We’re just looking after the best interests of our people,” said town councillor Arnold Krause. “I guarantee we’ll all live longer and happier lives if we’re consuming more of this stuff.”

Some townsfolks have questioned the councils decision, but their fears were assuaged when Krause explained the rationale.

“Just think of the good ol’ days when Mennonites consumed this stuff by the bucket load,” said Krause. “We were all a lot better off before scientific medicine came by to spoil everything.”

The mentioning of science seemed to set off some of the Blumsteinians who immediately agreed that they didn’t want to have anything to do with science.

“Ach, science,” said Mr. Froese. “That’s just for da atheists and so on.”

The town council also voted to mix in a bit of Castor oil and raw onions to reduce the profanity used by the town’s young people.