Steinbach the Most Profanity-Free City in North America

STEINBACH, MB

For the third year in a row Steinbach has come out on tops of the annual profanity audit by the Canadian Society for Clean Language. Society President Richard Fuchs says the rate of swearing in Steinbach is a full 66% lower than any other city on the continent and attributes the numbers to the high level of grandmas with lye soap.

“Last year, there were a grand total of 58 F-words and 103 S-words uttered in Steinbach, as well as 203 instances where the Lord’s name was used in vain,” said Fuchs. “That’s remarkable considering we were including any word that began with the letter F. Farm. Friend. Frintschoft. You name it–you can never be too careful when it comes to F-words.”

The highest rates of profanity seemed to be during the third period of televised Winnipeg Jets games as well as any time the pastor’s sermon went on too long.

“Even so, Steinbach’s a remarkably clean-mouthed city,” said Fuchs. “We might have even broken a record had it not been for Mr. Bergman’s frustrated tirade while trying to get his lawn mower to start for the first time this spring.”

Steinbach is also the most litter-free city in the country, and some have seen parallels between the two achievements.

“The grandmas control this town,” said Fuchs. “They keep our mouths and our streets squeaky clean!”

The small town of Taber, Alberta narrowly beat out Richer, Manitoba for the title of “Town Where the People Swear Like Sailors.” The audit reportedly did not include any swearwords uttered in Plautdietsch.

(photo credit: Bob B. Brown/CC)