How to Spot a Mennonite at Walmart

As Mennonites, it’s always important to be able to quickly identify a fellow Menno when out in public. Unlike the Masons, we have no secret handshake, and with a range of dress codes from conservative to contemporary, you cannot rely solely on attire to spot a Mennonite. Here are few helpful tips when you’re out Mennonite-spotting at the local Walmart. Look for these clues and you’re bound to find someone to share a bowl of plumi moos with.

On special occasions, such as shopping for a new slip, Mennonite ladies like to do a little something special with their hair, such as putting it in lovely green curlers.

curlers photo  

You can also spot a Mennonite at the butcher’s counter asking for all the nasty bits most other people throw away. Not only does it make for some really tasty sausage filler, but it’s also very frugal!

butcher photo

You can identify Mennonite men in the parking lot peering out the window of the pick-up truck as they impatiently wait for their wives and ten children to finish shopping. The men may also use this time to listen to the radio on the sly. Any man you see in the store itself is not Mennonite (maybe Baptist at best).

man in car photo

You are mostly likely to find Mennonites crowded around the televisions gazing in awe at this wondrous technology. Usually the boys gather here while the ladies are purchasing undergarments.

television store photo  

Listen for anyone muttering to their companion that everything is just so “kostboa.” This is a tell-tale sign that you’re dealing with a fellow Mennonite.

angry woman photo

Mennonites have large families. Look for the minivan with the German “Baby on Board” sign.

The surest way to identify a Mennonite at Walmart is if they ask to speak to the manager and then demand to pay with live chickens.

chickens photo

 

(photo credits:  Jennifer Morton, pixydust8605Valerie EverettRobert Couse-Baker, benuski/CC)