Religious Bumper Stickers Causing Accidents All Over Southern Manitoba

WINKLER, MB

A legion of bumper sticker-laden pickup trucks and minivans across southern Manitoba are causing traffic accidents throughout the region as people strain to read the Bible verses or inspirational messages.

“I was just reading 1 Corinthians 3:18 on the back of someone’s truck out on Highway 3, when all of the sudden the truck slowed down and I had to slam on the brakes and swerve into the other lane to avoid hitting him,” explained Morden resident Cornelius T. Toews. “It’s really quite dangerous. Everyone knows a Mennonite driver can’t resist reading a Christian bumper sticker!”

There have been more than twenty-three bumper sticker-induced accidents in the Winkler-Morden area since the beginning of March.

“People need to keep their eyes on the road,” explained Constable Doerksen. “Not every Bible verse on the back of a moving vehicle needs to be read aloud to your passengers.”

Doerksen says he also has noted a rise in accidents caused by those Darwin-fish or COEXIST bumper stickers.

“When the atheists and agnostics start adorning their vehicles with bumper stickers at the same rate that the Christians do, then we’re in for some real trouble,” said Doerksen. “I don’t want to see a bumper sticker war. It’s just not safe!”

Still, bumper sticker supporters claim that it’s their only means of sharing the Word.

“It serves two purposes,” explains vehicle owner Andrew B. Loewen. “For one thing it’s the most effective means known to man for sharing the Gospel. And, secondly, and this is just as important, it covers up a heck of a lot of rust.”

The RM of Stanley is considering a moratorium on bumper stickers until this issue can be resolved.

(photo credit: by brewbooks /modified)