Quebec Bans Mennonite Kerchiefs

QUEBEC CITY, QC

A new Quebec law intended to promote something called “religious neutrality” means that conservative Mennonites and Amish have been effectively banned from entering the province. The law prohibits any kind of religious display in public places.

“We don’t want men in suspenders and women in kerchiefs riding our public busses,” said a government spokesperson through a translator. “These busses were made for exclusive use of Quebec’s vibrant atheist population.”

It is not known where agnostics will be allowed to ride the Métro de Montréal or whether only those sporting a Richard Dawkins T-shirt will be permitted on board.

“We’ll work out the kinks between the atheists and agnostics, but right now we’re just trying to deal with all those Mennos,” said the spokesperson. “Not only do they dress funny, but they speak French with this horrible Plautdietsch accent!”

The new law also replaces all religious hymnals with Celine Dion sheet music.

“We figure if they’re forced to sing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ every Sunday, maybe they’ll just get up and leave the province.”

Seperatist leaders are also blaming the “Mennonite vote” for losing the last sovereignty referendum.

(photo credit: Sherri Cavalier/CC)