Province to Enforce Demilitarized Zone Between Morden and Winkler

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB

In order to ease tensions in the region, a mile-wide demilitarized zone has been established between the twin Mennonite cities of Morden and Winkler. The Pembina Valley DMZ will act as a buffer between hostile Morden and Winkler forces.

“We don’t want people to be alarmed,” said provincial spokesperson Alana Schmidt, “but we felt these steps were necessary to avoid any further conflict. We need to keep the Abes from different factions apart.”

The barricade consists of heavy industrial-sized bags of knackzoat. Anyone caught approaching the DMZ will be taken into custody and severely punished.

“You will only be permitted to cross with special permission from Grandma Sawatzky,” said Schmidt. “So, please, for the sake of peace and stability in the region, stick to your own city.”

It is not known how the conflict started, as both Morden and Winkler blame the other for everything.

Unconfirmed rumours, however, suggest that it all began in the early 50s when Mr. Friesen’s Taunte Helen broke a century of tradition and married a boy from Morden. Rosenort troops tried to intervene at the time, but were not powerful enough to avoid the inevitable division.

(photo credit: gabriella szekely/CC)