New Law Mandates 6:30 Bedtime for Mennonites

STEINBACH, MB

After a string of incidents involving Mennonites who stayed up to the unseemly hour of seven or eight, a new Steinbach bylaw requires that all Mennonites be in bed with the lights out by 6:30 PM.

“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a Mennonite healthy, wealthy, and wise,” said city counsellor Abe Fast. “I can’t imagine why on earth anyone would need to be up later than 6:30.”

Fast claims that nothing good happens after about five or six in the afternoon and besides the cows need milking real early.

“All these Steinbachers neglecting their cows like that, “said Fast. “It’s really sad how the priorities in this town have change so dramatically in the past few decades. Thankfully, we have a new law that will solve all our problems.”

In order to encourage compliance with the new law, Fast claims he is more than willing to come by and read residents a story and provide a warm glass of milk, as long as they’re in their jammies and ready for bed.

“We really think this new law will do wonders for the city of Steinbach,” said Fast. “My grandson will have no longer have any reason not to join me for breakfast at Jay’s Cafe at 7 in the morning.”

(photo credit: by simpleinsomnia )