Mennonite Woman Resolves Not to Gossip in 2017

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN

Did you hear about Mrs. Maria Kroeker? I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but, oh, it looks like you really want to know by the way you’re leaning in and cupping your hand over your ear so, okay, I guess it’s fine just this once. Just promise not to tell anyone else, okay?

Do you promise?

Well, alright, then, so Mrs. Maria Kroeker, you know who she is right? Martha’s sister. Yeah, that’s the one. Well, she and Frank aren’t getting along so well right now. Mrs. Peters lives right next door and she can hear them yelling all the time about the way he leaves the toilet seat up or the way she uses too much makeup.

Well, Mrs. Peters says that she heard Mrs. Kroeker the other day just yelling and yelling at Frank for┬ábeing all out-of-shape and finally Frank had enough of it and said, “Well, what about you, Maria. You haven’t kept your resolution not to gossip, either!”

Can you believe it? The nerve of that woman – vowing not to gossip.

What is she trying to do? Make us all look bad? Like she’s so much better than us just because she doesn’t gossip. Who is she kidding? She’s no better than us. I heard she buys vanilla like it’s going out of style. And it’s not that fake stuff. I mean the real vanilla from Mexico, the good stuff. And she ain’t no baker, if you catch my drift.

Well, anyway, I really shouldn’t be telling you this, so please don’t tell anyone I told you. It’s just between you and me, right?

Good.

So got any dirt on Mrs. Kehler?