Mennonite Woman Claps Along to Worship Song

“Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.” – W.B. Yeats

WINKLER, MB

The Winkler EBBM Church was sent into a tizzy this past Sunday after local woman Sarah Martens decided to clap along to ‘Shine Jesus Shine.’ The audible smacking together of her hands caused the worship band to stop abruptly, while the whole congregation turned around to stare at Mrs. Martens.

“Quick! Someone restrain that woman!” called Pastor Ron. “I won’t have this house of worship turned into a nightclub!”

Mrs. Martens shrugged and didn’t seem to understand what the big deal was.

“All I did was clap…like this,” said Martens, demonstrating the move.

“Ach! Make her stop. Make her stop!” yelled Pastor Ron, covering his ears. “I think the Devil’s got ahold of that woman!”

Eventually, Mrs. Martens was restrained and escorted out of the sanctuary, before the worship team could resume the service.

“We don’t lift our hands. We don’t move our bodies. And we certainly don’t clap along to the song,” said Pastor Ron. “Except when we go to Blake Shelton concerts at the arena in Winnipeg.”

Mrs. Martens has decided to transfer her membership to the “wild and crazy borderline Pentecostal” MBEMBC Church across town that permits polite clapping.