Mennonite Sniper Sets Record for World’s Longest Deliberately-Missed Shot

MOSUL, IRAQ

A Mennonite sniper in Iraq deliberately missed his target more than two miles away, breaking the world record for the longest purposefully-missed sniper shot in military history.

“I could have got him, but I just shot above his head,” said Mennonite sniper Corny Doerksen. “I’m a great shot, but I’m also a pacifist. I have no idea why they put me out there and gave me a gun.”

The shot took 11 seconds to deliberately miss its target. Doerksen claims he even had to factor in the curvature of the earth to make sure he’d just give the target a little scare.

“At that distance it’s not easy to keep someone alive like that. Any slight fluctuation in wind and bullet speed could mean a kill,” said Doerksen. “And there’s more than enough killing out here as it is without me adding to it.”

Sources explained that Mennonites are known for their sniper skills, but often have moral and ethical principles that prevent them from completing the task.

“Mennonites are world-class snipers,” said the source. “From a military strategy perspective, however, they do present a few challenges, namely that they have this strange aversion to killing people. I don’t get it. I really don’t get it.”

Despite his obvious skill and moral fortitude, Doerksen received an honorary faspa at his hometown church, but absolutely no commendation from his military commanders.

(photo credit: US Army/CC)

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