Mennonite Prophet Turns Wine Into Water

KLEEFELD, MB

Self-proclaimed miracle worker and sage Peter P. Peters wowed attendees at a Mennonite family gathering this past week by turning all of the wine into water.

“I’d never seen anything like it,” said Abram Froese, who was present to witness the alleged miracle. “One minute there were three or four bottles of red wine, and then when I went back into the kitchen, all they had left was tap water.”

Peter P. Peters claims to be a Mennonite prophet who uses his miraculous touch to help Mennonites stay on the narrow path.

“When Uptown Funk came on the radio and Aunt Mary started to tap her feet, Peter P. Peters turned her into a pillar of salt to prevent her from dancing,” explained Froese. “He also blinded my cousin Ralph who was looking at the Sears catalogue for too long.”

Peter P. Peters then passed around the bucket for the good will offering, amounting to about $300, and left the family gathering in a hurry.

(photo credit: by Aurimas Adomavicius )