Mennonite Man’s Vocabulary Reduced to ‘Once’, ‘Yet’, and ‘Such’

YARROW, BC

There was a time when George Baerg’s vocabulary stretched to more than thirty words and an occasional ethusiastic ‘oba!’ These days, however, Mr. Baerg, now retired and extra grumpy, has settled on ‘once’, ‘yet’, and ‘such’ and finds those three words, accompanied by a random grunt or involuntary fart, are sufficient for his present needs.

We sat down with Mr. Baerg at his home in Yarrow to see how his newly reduced vocabulary is going for him.

DAILY BONNET: So, George, how are you doing?

GEORGE BAERG: Once yet.

DB: That’s great to hear. Tell me, now, do you feel your current lexicon is impeding your ability to communicate with loved ones?

GB: Such?

DB: Well, it does happen.

GB: Once.

DB: I think it could be more than that, George. Your daughter-in-law Doris says she’s really having trouble talking to you. She says you’re not really able to express your feelings.

GB: Yet…

DB: No, no, you’re right, George. It’s your life. I make no judgements. Live how you wanna live.

GB: Such.

DB: In all this time, though, you must have let another word slip through on occasion…

GB: Once.

DB: How did that go for you?

GB: Yet such yet, yet such yet such such.

DB: Oh, I see. Makes sense. So, George, when you’re in church on Sundays don’t you ever feel the urge to sing ‘Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow’ at the top of your lungs with everyone else?

GB: Such yet?

DB: Well, a Mennonite man of your age can’t resist a good hymn sing, can they?

GB: Such such such.

DB: Agreed. So, what are you doing with yourself now that you’re retired. I bet the grandkids keep you busy.

GB: Yet once.

DB: Fantastic. They sure are adorable. Can I see some pictures?

GB: Once?

DB: Well, not if it’s inconvenient or anything.

GB: Yet yet yet.

(George shows pictures to Daily Bonnet reporter)

DB: That’s lovely, George. I’m so glad to see things are going great for you despite your limitations.

GB: Such.

DB: Well, nah yo dan, George, I can see you’re getting sleepy, so I’ll let you hit the hay.

GB: Once yet such?

DB: Such.