Mennonite Man Starts Rival Donut Shop

GRETNA, MB

Local man Tim Hiebert was sick and tired of having his small Mennonite town constantly overlooked by the big donut and coffee chains, so he decided to do something about it himself.

“I axed myself, ‘Timotheus, why can’t you can do something about this yet?” said Tim Hiebert. “You should start a coffee shop right here in Gretna next to the Co-ops. And so I did once. And, you see, there it is right over on the other side next to the Co-ops.”

Decades ago, Tim Hiebert was a local hockey star in the Pembina Valley hockey league, and he has parlayed that local celebrity to great success in his new venture.

“We specialize in day old donuts and coffee that’s been sitting on the burner just a touch too long,” said Hiebert. “It’s how all da Mannanites like it.”

Hiebert also offers customers a little treat called ‘Hiebert Holes.’

“It’s the inside of the donut,” said the ever-frugal Hiebert. “They pay me fifty cents yet and I give them ¬†nothing in return. It’s a good joke!”

Costumers were quick to catch on to Hiebert’s shenanigans and are now sticking to more conventional offerings like sour-cream glazed donuts and sandwiches his wife Dorothy makes in their bungalow over by the Bergthaler Church.

“I’m not sure we’ll ever get a real donut shop in this town, but Tim Hieberts will have to do,” said Mr. Vogt. “Plus it’s a great place to catch up on all the local gossip.”

On it’s first day of operation, every table at Tim Hieberts in Gretna was packed with old men sitting around nursing their coffees and “shooting the shit.”

(photo credit: Jerry Huddleston/CC)

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