Mennonite Hero Saves Woman Who Feschlucked Herself


Although Mrs. Friesen of Neuhorst has nearly ferchlucked herself on numerous occasions in the past, a particularly side-splitting joke at a wedding reception this weekend almost meant her demise. Unfortunately for Mrs. Friesen she reached for a glass of water just as the joke about Peter and Anna’s wedding night reached the punch line.

“Oba, looks like Mrs. Friesen really feschlucked herself this time,” said quick thinking Mrs. Epp, who performed the Heimlich Maneuver. “There was water everywhere. On her blouse, in my face, and most certainly down the wrong tube.”

Thanks to Mrs. Epp’s adept abdominal thrusting, Mrs. Friesen was saved from her feschlucking.

“Jauma! I’ve got to be a little more careful in the future,” said Mrs. Friesen. “A woman’s really got to think long and hard before taking a sip of water when that hysterical Mr. Penner is MCing the reception. I wouldn’t want anyone else to feschlucke themselves like I did.”

Previously Mrs. Friesen nearly feschlucked herself at Timothy Plett’s baptism in 1987, Mrs. Petkau’s funeral back in 1998, and Gerry and Helen’s 50th wedding anniversary in 2002.

“I should have known something like this would happen. After all, I’d nearly done it on numerous other occasions,” said Mrs. Friesen. “All I know is if I ever feschlucke myself again, I’ll make sure to have Mrs. Epp nearby.”

Unfortunately for Mrs. Friesen, Mrs. Epp feschuckled herself at a birthday party later in the week and did not recover.

Patrik Laine Has Now Officially Passed Jonathan Toews in Total Mennoniteness
Canadians Heartbroken After American Crokinole Squad Defeats Team Canada in Shootout