Mennonite Daredevil to Consume Pickles and Milk Together

RANDOLPH, MB

Local man Joel Toews, 23, is known throughout Randolph (nee Chortitz) for his reckless abandon and death-defying stunts. But his most impressive stunt is yet to come as, this weekend, Joel will be consuming a glass of milk and a couple of Grandma Toews’ dills…together!

“I’ve been trying to talk some sense into him,” said Mrs. Toews’, Joel’s mother. “But he just won’t listen. He’s taking his life into his hands. I really just wish he’d do away with all this daredevil nonsense, find a nice cousin on the Loewen side, and settle down.”

Tickets to watch Joel’s performance have been selling briskly, and the deacons are already setting up chairs in the church basement.

“I can’t disappoint my fans,” says Joel, who has been eating oranges and milk in preparation for the event. “Nothing’s going to stop to now!”

Eating pickles and milk together is considered Toews’ most impressive stunt since last summer, when he ate well into the green part of a watermelon rind.

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