Manitoba Couple Visits Abbotsford Relatives Never to Return

ABBOTSFORD, BC

A newly married couple from Morden, Ben and Emma Doerksen, recently visited frintschoft in British Colombia on their honeymoon this July, and have decided to stay on the west coast permanently.

“We just knew this was going to happen as soon as they said they were going to BC,” said Martha Doerksen, mother of the young groom. “Once you’ve seen the bright lights of Abbotsford, you just can’t go back to small town Manitoba after that.”

The Doerksens have taken up residence in a 1 bedroom basement suite that reportedly costs $4500 a month in rent, which the couple says is “well worth it.”

“This is the best place on earth,” explained 20-year-old Ben Doerksen. “I should know since I’ve already been to Morden, Regina, and the suburbs of Winnipeg.”

The couple is also excited to be within proximity of bohemian Vancouver.

“Being so close to Vancouver is something we can brag about to folks back home,” explained Emma, “but just like how we only ever took the occasional trip to the big city of Winnipeg to pick up some things at Costco, we plan to only go to Vancouver to buy bulk items and eat at White Spot.”

After residing in BC for just three days the Doerksens already think they’re much better than their Manitoba relatives and can’t get “how the hell anyone can live in such a cold climate.”

“I’m never wearing a toque or parka again,” said Ben. “It’s raincoats and rubber boots for me!”

The Doerksens claim to miss nothing at all about Manitoba even though they’re already half a million dollars in debt and are constantly pestering their prairie relatives to send formavorscht, “because you just can’t get the good stuff out here.”

(Photo Credit: by Tim Patterson )