Man Consoles Himself With Gospel Music as Team Loses

LINDEN, AB

By now it’s a ritual. Whenever the Calgary Stampeders are in a nail-biter, local football fan Peter B. Janzen throws an Elvis Presley gospel album on the record player in order to win favour with the Lord.

“The scripture is very clear that God cares a lot about who wins the game, so if I want to get him on my side I’ve got to play ‘He Touched Me’ a few times,” explained Janzen. “If they’re losing I sometimes blast ‘I’ve Got Confidence,’ and the next thing you know, they’ve scored a touchdown.”

Of course this method was finally proven unsuccessful tonight, after the Stampeders went down to the Ottawa RedBlacks in the 104th Grey Cup, and Janzen’s children are beginning to question their father’s sanity and theology.

“I’m not really sure this Elvis gospel thing is working,” said his daughter Susan. “I mean he played ‘Peace in the Valley’ all day today and they still lost the game. Maybe the Lord prefers hip-hop.”

Janzen, however, refuses to try any other type of music. Tonight he plans to just curl up in bed and play ‘Where Could I Go But to the Lord’ as he cries himself to sleep.

(Photo Credit: by kalleboo )