“Life Just Isn’t Fair,” says Benjamin Fehr

MORDEN, MB

After a string of unfortunate incidents, local farmer Benjamin Fehr of the Morden area, has come to the conclusion that the world is out to get him.

“First I got a flat on my way to Brandon, which is bad enough, but when I opened my trunk I realized my spare was flat, too,” said Fehr. “Then when I went to call CAA, my phone was dead.”

After the horrible tragedy of the flat tire, Fehr broke down and recounted all that things that hadn’t seemed to be going his way lately.

“In the last year alone, my wife left me, my dog died, and the crops were bad,” explained Fehr, plagiarizing a country song. “Plus I didn’t like the results of the last election and the Jets missed the playoffs again. Woe is me.”

Fehr then proceeded to compare himself to Job of the Old Testament.

“As far as I’m concerned, Job had it pretty good,” said Fehr. “I mean did Job ever have to wait in line for a whole fifteen minutes at Shoppers Drug Mart to buy a tub of fat-reduced cottage cheese? I don’t think so.”

He then proceeded to cry in his borscht for an hour, hoping to attract the attention of a sympathetic young Mennonite woman. His strategy, however, failed, and this, too, he claimed was proof that that “life isn’t fair for poor Benjamin Fehr.”