Letter to Small Town Paper Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

STEINBACH, MB

After decades, perhaps centuries, of controversy, a few heated letters to the editor of a small town Manitoba newspaper were instrumental in finally solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict once and for all.

“I can’t believe my letter to the local paper had such a profound impact,” said recent Nobel Peace Prize recipient Mr. Sam R. Froese of Blumenort. “I’m happy to hear that my 150 rambling and incoherent words will bring peace and stability to the region for all eternity.”

Froese had been embroiled in a back-and-forth letter war with Mr. Frank W. Hildebrand of Kleefeld, who felt Froese’s views on the situation didn’t take into account the full historic context nor the full breadth of scriptural teaching on the topic.

“We had been discussing the issue for years at the local A & W, but I just decided I finally had to say something when I saw Sam’s letter,” explained Hildebrand. “Convincing other Steinbachers what to think about complex global issues is absolutely crucial if we’re going to see change in this world.”

Although their views on the matter differed slightly, both Hildebrand and Froese were awarded the Peace Prize because the sheer depth of their knowledge about the issue far surpassed that of anyone else alive.

“Who would have thought that a couple marginally-educated Mennonites from Steinbach would bring about world peace with a few letters to the editor,” explained one committee member, “but it looks like those letters finally paid off. Now, I’m just worried they’ll have nothing to talk about at the A & W.”

Hildebrand and Froese are reportedly busy consuming Mozza burgers as they work out a plan to solve world hunger, the refugee crisis, and what to do about Kim Jong-Un.